Beerocracy

I was at a bar/club the other day called the Vanguard out in Hollywood, following a day of unbelievable nudity and general debauchery (no, really).  The top floor was rented out for an after-party of said debauchery.  It was set up like any other bar or club you've been in--four walls, a slighter shorter interior wall where you order your intoxicant of choice, commonly called a bar, couches, lame-ass candles, a hot bar-tender with a smart-ass wit to garner as many tips as possible out of you, etc. etc. etc.  You've seen it all before.

So, to celebrate our team's (it was a team nudity type of thing--you should have been there) semi-victory and general good time, I ordered a round of drinks: 2 newcastles and a Stella.

The bill?  $27.00.  Yeah, twenty seven smackers, buckaroos, dollahs, bucks.  And there was a sign that had the audacity to announce, "Credit Card Minimum $40.00 For Any Purchase," scrawled in cheap sharpie on paper and taped to a wall.  If you're charging that much for a beer you'd think you could afford a fucking real sign.

Bypassing the Machiavellian uses of date psychology that actually forces people to pay such outrageous amounts, let's talk a bit just about the price itself.  If you were to add this up it'd come to a whopping:

$54.00 dollars for a fucking six-pack!!!  And that's not even counting a tip, which bar-tenders, through no fault of their own, are want to have.  If you saw a sixer in the super-market for 54 bucks, you'd laugh you ass off, look again just to make sure, and laugh some more while walking away to find the next item on you list.

All told, it cost me $30.00 for a round of beer that wasn't even on tap!!!  If I want a case of beer I'll buy one. I shudder to think what a mixed drink costs.  They probably need a down payment and collateral for a fucking gin and tonic.

So here's my message for the douchetards that own/run the Vanguard and set their alcohol prices:  Fuck you, fuck your shit drinks, and fuck your wanna-be Euro-trash club of crap.  If there is a God, you'll somehow trip into a vat of beer and drown.

And if Ben Franklin is right, these guys are toast:  "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

So, because of the egregiousness of the whole thing and good ol' Ben's quote, on a scale of 1-5 megatons, 1 being overcharged for parking and 5 being way overcharged for beer, these dicks get an expected:

5 MEGATONS!!! Beer is not to be played with lightly gentlemen.  May God have mercy on your souls.