Avatar in a Glowy Nutshell

Just a quick take on Avatar. For the sake of the entry I'm going to talk about this from a strictly screenplay angle. Visually, the movie was fantastic, riveting, and groundbreaking. One gets used to the blue people and they take on a very realistic stance in the movie. Likewise, the CG there is unbelievable. This represents one step closer to the time when CG humans will actually come off as other than wooden and creepy.

Okay, to the screenplay. The antithesis of the visuals, largely it lacked anything original or riveting. It was a frankensteinian pastiche of ideas come and gone before. But even that aside, it relied on additional moments and themes that were unexcusably horrid in conception and execution. The movie really was Dances with Wolves in space, or as a friend of mine likes to call it, Dances with Smurfs.

The white man (earthling) saving the day from the savages that just can't get it together without him is a bit tired. (Dances with Wolves, The Last Samurai, numerous slave narratives). It seems to me an outgrowth of white-man guilt at the unabashed slaughter of natives the world over. Now, it is THOSE white people that are bad, and we're better than that now. Why an evolved and advance native culture can't have their own heroes that kick ass on the invading forces is a mystery to me. Perhaps it's because the reigning audiences aren't native cultures themselves--an outgrowth of the very real domination of those cultures by the ancestors of the very people making the movies today.  And those people are out for one thing--to sell tickets.  I guess dark heroes just aren't selling these days.  Perhaps if native peoples had invented gun-powder before Eurpoeans, it would be they that were the heroes in the movies, and us, the cowering idiots casting about for a saviour.

But that's not all, as bad as it is. The most offensive part of the narrative is the reliance on a rusted and dusty convention widely knows as the Deus ex Machina. It is only at the beseechment of the white saviour that God comes down and does the actual ass-kicking. When all is lost, God descends from the sky, and cascades over the ground, to bring reckoning to the dastardly invaders. Why the great Earth Mother didn't decide to do this earlier is a mystery. Perhaps she only comes out when the white man asks--either that, or her own people are too stupid to figure this one out for themselves. Natives: "Why didn't you save us?" God: "You never asked."

That being said, I'm sure it'll be a great success, and white people the world over will feel all fuzzy about themselves. And the gnawing little gnat in their heads reminding them that this is going on right now, in this world, to real people, will go unlistened to--again: "Hey that CG was great! Let's go get a Big Mac."

Your Friday Quote (on Saturday)

To Humanity With Love,


"If we as a species would but stop trying to master the useless, the gravity of our endeavors would be boundless."

--BJ Moi

Grayson Superhero

Okay, I'm going to forgo my abortion health care talk (I know, boo hoo) to mention, briefly, a true badass in the US House of Reps.  America, I give you Alan Grayson, Representative of the 8th district of Florida.

Recently Alan said what all of us have been wanting to say, and all of us have been wanting to hear.  He barbequed the Republican block of stonewallers that have unabashedly acted in outright contempt of the office of the presidency the likes of which were never seen during the Bush administration during a Democratic minority, no matter how deserved.

The republicans have acted like a bunch of privileged frat rats on a drunken yacht binge, caterwauling at the top of their lungs, during what used to be fairly honorable proceedings on the floor of one of the highest offices in the nation.  Waving blank pages during Obama's health care speech and yelling, "Liar!" are but a few examples of the egregious disrespect shown the office by the Republicans.  Children playing with adult toys.

Just to be clear, I'm no fan of this Health Care bill--I think it's a bunch of BS, lobbied to death by a powerful, wholly undemocratic cabal of petty, greedy institutions that couldn't care less about human health and human care.  But I am a fan of someone who, refreshingly, finally has the balls to say something about the state of our decaying nation--AND didn't apologize for it.

Without further ado, here is Alan Grayson.  Enjoy!

Shhh. I'm Trying to Watch the Commercials!

This one goes out to the geniuses that have slowly eked their advertising sludge into movie theaters prior to showings.  You know who you are.  You're the scumbags that justify your odious actions by saying things like, "gotta make a living," and "gotta pay the bills," or "just doing my job."  Well, thanks to you fucks I have to be assaulted every time I go to the movies by loud, obnoxious ads, selling crap like Windows, or Coke, or some telecommunications BS that I don't need.

Ya' see, back in the day there was a time when, because you actually paid for the movie, you got to avoid things like advertising and commercials.  Why?  Because you paid!  That's the point.  But now, things have slowly changed to a state where this kind of egregious treatment is commonplace, and no one does a damn thing about it.  You have actually paid for the privilege of getting advertised to.  Sound kooky?  That's because it is.  I firmly believe that humans, when left to their own devices, will inevitably fuck one another, and not  in a good way. This is an example of such a fucking.  Incidentally, this is why unregulated capitalism is really not such a good idea, but that's a bedtime story for another evening, kiddies.

Want to do something about it?  Bitch at these folks just to get it out of your system:

AMC Entertainment Inc.
P.O. Box 725489
Atlanta, GA 31139-9923
Click on "share an idea" and let them have one: http://www.getsatisfaction.com/amc_theatres

Or these clowns:

Mann Theatres
16530 Ventura Boulevard, Suite 500
Encino, California 91436
Email: Talk2Mann@manntheatres.com

Or these:

Cinemark (Century Theaters)

Cinemark USA, Inc.
3900 Dallas Parkway, Suite 500
Plano, TX 75093-7865
Email contact page: http://www.cinemark.com/contactus.asp

Or even these:

Customer Service
Landmark Theatres
2222 South Barrington Avenue
Los Angeles, California 90064
Email: customerservice@landmarktheatres.com

Okay, back to the soulless cunts that foisted their ad shit on us.  Ala Sam Kinison: I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood.

On a scale of 1 to 5 megatons, 1 being bad teenage angst poetry and 5 being bad teenage love poetry, I give them:

2 MEGATONS!  These people aren't as numerous as you think.  Two megatons should be enough to eradicate the scurrying cockroaches that they are.

Next up: Abortion and Health Care.  You'll be surprised where I fall on this one.

Bullets Not Over Broadway

My mom sent me one of those feel-good power point things that's the new bulk forwarding email creation in vogue right now.  Amidst the parade of places I'll never visit, emotions I'll never feel, pets I'll never own, and the like, was this:

It has been said over and over again that a picture is worth a thousand words--well, it's true, and perhaps a bit more.  While we're looking down the barrel of an escalated war in Afghanistan and a prolonged war in Iraq and a clandestine, who-the-fuck-knows-what-type-of-war in Pakistan, this picture sings as to what that just might look like.

You won't see this on any mainstream media outlets.  They don't like to show you war.  Why?  Because you don't like to see it.  And they're only going to show you what you want to see.  Why? Because then they can show you what they really like to show you, what they exist for in the first place:  their advertising.

Well, while you're wondering how to get your hands on that new useless piece of crap, someone is sitting, somewhere, with a gun in his hand, wondering when he'll fire, and when he'll be shot.

Joe Six-Fuck

Ah, Joe Lieberman.  His name rolls off the tongue like Ghengis Khan and Stalin.  Known not for his kindness, advances in art, or general skill with anything other than a fork, he sends torrential shivers of hatred down the backs of anyone that hears his name other than the black-hearted.

Good ol' Joe to date has claimed himself the ringleader of moral terpitude, valiantly staving off the repugnant idea that government might get into the health care business.  If this were even remotely true, I might side with Joe--the idea of him touching my genitals and telling me to cough encourages the gorge to rise in the back of my throat.  But, just as with most politicians, it isn't even a half-truth.  They make it seem that state officials would start acting as doctors, fumbling around in people guts with staplers and ballpoint pens.  No, doctors would remain doctors, and things would roll along pretty seamlessly as they do in countless other, more civilized, nations.  The very fact that he refers to it as a business, betrays his true aims here--to make sure business stays in business and remains good for those that can pay (him).  Sick fuck.

Aside from this, the single-handed hijacking of politics by one man steeped in platitudes of political service is enough to drive anyone with a sound mind insane with rage.  You see, Joe is a liar, a gambler.  Up until the very last, Joe supported expanding medicare, supported health care reform, and supported it as late as this September.  Why?  Because he needed a dumb democratic-based support system in the Senate to get him his chairs, to give him his secure position, to allow him to have any power whatsoever.  In other words, he's a turncoat fuck that is only looking out for himself, and as such he need to be shown for the zombie legislator he is and shipped across the isle to spread his brand of contemptuous, feckless, disease to those wastelanders he finds there.  Let them gorge themselves on each others' entrails.  In the meantime we'll take the time to get some things actually accomplished in this decaying nation.

Speaking of zombies, am I the only one that is starting to see politicians in this sickly, greenish light?  It seems that you get rid of one and more pop up out of nowhere to take their place, drooling and looking for human meat to feast on.  Remember Tom DeLay?  Remember Jesse Helms?  Remember Donald Rumsfeld?  Well, someday we'll be struggling to remember the dickhead in Connecticut who foiled true democracy and we'll get our health insurance bill in the mail--and we'll remember: "Oh yeah, Lieberman.  I remember him well."

On a scale of 1-5 megatons, 1 being Joe Lieberman at age 14 and 5 being Joe Lieberman in about 2 weeks, I give him ---

4.5 MEGATONS!  I'm keeping a half megaton in my hip pocket for the next zombie that raises it's ugly head and proclaims: "I'm a politician.  I'm here to serve the public."

Your Friday Quote

Just a simple thought (I do that sometimes--think that is):

"Never do madmen come to power alone."
                                               
                                                         -me

O-bomb-a Receives Orwell Prize

Well, today was the day.  The day Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize.  It's cool and shiny and looks like this (well, like that over there to the left at any rate).  And the guy that got it was cool and shiny and looks like that there photo. 
Aside from this apparent similarity, Obama and the Prize have absolutely nothing in common.  Ya' see, you really can't win a prize about peace after you announce the need for systematic increases in troops and bombings to continue a war that is both immoral and illegal in a country thousands of miles away (well, I guess you can, but in my world it seems something like a contradiction in terms.  Call me crazy).

Not only does this strike me as just another example of the lunacy the world is currently enduring, but Obama had the temerity to give a speech actually defending the need for war--and he just had to invoke the name of Hitler to do it.  If there was indeed a just war, WWII might have been it, but in comparison to the thousands of unjust wars that have plagued our beleaguered planet, his defense falls apart like a democratic congress in the face of the Health Care Lobby.

If Obama had but a hint of integrity about this thing he would have declined to accept it on the grounds that he's about the bomb the hell out of Afghanistan, and somehow bombs and peace don't mix well.  Let me be clear about what the prize is supposedly given for: "the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses". (http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/shortfacts.html).  Where in this is there anything that Obama has done or will do?  Standing armies?!?!?  Am I on crazy here?  Not only that, but there were countless dozens of others that better deserved this thing than he.  People who have given their entire lives to living in the hells of the world to bring about peace.  I guess they just weren't standing presidents at the time.  Too bad for them.

So, sadly I have to admit that yet another of Orwell's predictions has come to pass.  I guess War does really equal Peace after all.

I'm not giving Obama any megatons this time.  He has enough of his own.  But I am awarding him the Orwell Prize for Peace.  He has indeed earned that.

Beerocracy

I was at a bar/club the other day called the Vanguard out in Hollywood, following a day of unbelievable nudity and general debauchery (no, really).  The top floor was rented out for an after-party of said debauchery.  It was set up like any other bar or club you've been in--four walls, a slighter shorter interior wall where you order your intoxicant of choice, commonly called a bar, couches, lame-ass candles, a hot bar-tender with a smart-ass wit to garner as many tips as possible out of you, etc. etc. etc.  You've seen it all before.

So, to celebrate our team's (it was a team nudity type of thing--you should have been there) semi-victory and general good time, I ordered a round of drinks: 2 newcastles and a Stella.

The bill?  $27.00.  Yeah, twenty seven smackers, buckaroos, dollahs, bucks.  And there was a sign that had the audacity to announce, "Credit Card Minimum $40.00 For Any Purchase," scrawled in cheap sharpie on paper and taped to a wall.  If you're charging that much for a beer you'd think you could afford a fucking real sign.

Bypassing the Machiavellian uses of date psychology that actually forces people to pay such outrageous amounts, let's talk a bit just about the price itself.  If you were to add this up it'd come to a whopping:

$54.00 dollars for a fucking six-pack!!!  And that's not even counting a tip, which bar-tenders, through no fault of their own, are want to have.  If you saw a sixer in the super-market for 54 bucks, you'd laugh you ass off, look again just to make sure, and laugh some more while walking away to find the next item on you list.

All told, it cost me $30.00 for a round of beer that wasn't even on tap!!!  If I want a case of beer I'll buy one. I shudder to think what a mixed drink costs.  They probably need a down payment and collateral for a fucking gin and tonic.

So here's my message for the douchetards that own/run the Vanguard and set their alcohol prices:  Fuck you, fuck your shit drinks, and fuck your wanna-be Euro-trash club of crap.  If there is a God, you'll somehow trip into a vat of beer and drown.

And if Ben Franklin is right, these guys are toast:  "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

So, because of the egregiousness of the whole thing and good ol' Ben's quote, on a scale of 1-5 megatons, 1 being overcharged for parking and 5 being way overcharged for beer, these dicks get an expected:

5 MEGATONS!!! Beer is not to be played with lightly gentlemen.  May God have mercy on your souls.

Ah, Progress.

Conservatively speaking, humans have been evolving for over 1 million years.  And at the end of this branching and twisting, multicolored tree of life, we have this to show for it:

Giant billboards hovering in the sky advertising dog food.  Way to go, humanity.  Way to go.

"A-Laugh-Istan" or "How Obama Got Into Stand-up"

During the Dark Ages of Bush's reign, I often wondered how I had come to detest the Clinton administration so much when it was rolling along.  I must have been crazy, often trotted through my mind.  Compared to this nut-job, he must have been the best president ever.  Tonight, after Obama's speech, I was reminded why.  Obama's stand-up is no better than Clinton's, and honestly, just as tired.

Obama: I just flew into West-Point and boy are my arms tired.  [Laughter]  No really, I went to the doctor and told him it hurts when I do this.  He said, don't do that.  [Laughter]  Why did the chicken cross the road?  To get Al Qaeda.  [Crickets]

Not to belabor the point, but the logic of Obama's speech went something like this:  "We have to increase our involvement in Afghanistan because Al Qaeda is there.  And Al Qaeda is bad, so we must destroy them.  The Taliban (100% USDA approved) is harboring Al Qaeda, so we must go after the Taliban.  And if we go after the Taliban we will free the Afghan people.  And freeing them will allow them to have democracy and fun and cool things like cotton candy and nose-hair clippers."  So, going after Al Qaeda equals cotton candy and nose-hair clippers.  Right?  Right.

You're going to increase US troop levels (escalate a war) because we have to free the Afghan people? Or to get Al Qaeda--which will protect the American people?  Which is it, Snow-bama?  He conflated so many points it was like trying to swallow a deep fried chocolate-chocolate cake that was stuffed into a turkey and smothered in hollandaise sauce.  You can't really eat the thing, and the combination would make you want to puke anyway.

According to the U.S. national security adviser's own numbers (October National Security Council--Harper's Magazine) there are 100 active Al Qaeda members operating in Afghanistan.  100!!!  Obama didn't tell you that, did he?  Unless they have commandeered a starship and have recruited members of Al Qaeda from all over the galaxy to plunder the human slaves here on Earth, that number likely hasn't changed much in a month.  Am I on crazy here, or what?  We're going to spend BILLIONS of desperately needed dollars to go after a handful of toothless idiots that barely have enough ammo to fire off their kalashnikovs?  Woe the republic.  Don't even get me started on how many deaths Al Qaeda has actually caused in the last eight years compared to something like, I dunno, peanut allergies.

The truth of the matter is this: Obama was never, and will never be, a progressive or even left leaning president.  The political and idealogical spectrum has moved so far right that what's looks left now are really the conservatives of old.  If Yo-bama were told to dress up like a true democrat for Halloween, he'd have to show up naked, cuz he don't know what one looks like.  For the record, so would I.  Not that I don't know what one looks like, but dressing up like an extinct species makes me sad.  I think I'll pass.  From now on I'm voting Green or not at all.  Good luck, Blow-bama--you just nuked your base from orbit.  I hope the glow keeps you warm for awhile.

On a scale of 1-5 megatons, 1 being the asshole that leaves the carton in the refrigerator with half a gulp of milk in the bottom and 5 being Karl Rove, I give Obama

4 MEGATONS!!!  You've shown that you're nothing more than a mouthpiece for anything sane, and you've dashed the hopes of millions on the sharp rocks of your folly. (The mushroom clouds are green today to reflect my nausea with the whole thing.)